Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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