The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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