Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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