i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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