no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
