There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
