Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watching her eat just hurts me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
