Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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