I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
