I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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