I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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