We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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