Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
