Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just pynch a tree in the face
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
