Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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