You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
