so that wasnt chicken after all
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
