you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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