For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
