i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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