In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
