I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
