He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
