Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
