and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
