she sounds like chewbacca in bed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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