no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
