I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
