She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
