We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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