Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
