I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
