It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
