didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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