Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
