I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
