Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
