can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Text me some of your sweat
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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