Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
