my mouth tastes like poor choices
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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