I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
