she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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