As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were trust falling into bushes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
