Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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