i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
