the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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