Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
