around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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