Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
