let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Vodka?
Forever.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
